How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
