my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
