You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Alive.
So much puke
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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