While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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