he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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