apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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