She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
