I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
