my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You ate ashes out of my bong
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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