just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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