FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
