I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize