i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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