there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Are my feet made of real feet?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
