i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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