Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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