Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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