I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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