Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
