I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
