he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
