HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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