margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want her autograph on my taint
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
