Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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