I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
