Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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