Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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