He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
