"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
