did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
