woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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