Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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