when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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