their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
