Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize