that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
birth control should be required to get into college
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
