The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
