I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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