just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
