yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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