This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize