i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
