Quick, to the slutcave!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
