we have pet lesbian snakes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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