My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
