K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
