there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
