dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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