Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
