sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
