..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
