I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
