I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
