her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
