I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize