I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
