it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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