She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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