These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
