I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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