I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
