i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
