am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
