He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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