Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
